Single and thirty, so what!

Good news arrived via a Facebook message early last week. I was half asleep, struggling at getting out of bed and at war with the snooze button on my Black Berry. I hadn't been having the earliest of nights since the bad news I had received earlier on in the week so every five minute block of time counts.

My Black Berry, being a smart phone and much smarter than myself informed me that I had a Facebook notification. My cousin, who resides in London had personal messaged me to let me know that he and his girlfriend were expecting a child. Last I heard, they were all ga ga for each other and moving in together, now this.

My first thoughts were congrats and can't wait to meet the little one and the girlfriend when we meet in Malta for the summer. Then I came to the usual train of thought; will they now get married? Strange how society makes our thoughts move in a certain order and that when you are Maltese you can’t de program that shit out of your brain, it’s embedded in there somewhere deep down in your subconscious.

It’s also interesting that a large majority of us reach a point in life when we are ready to be unselfish, commit to another and say proudly: "I'm content with life and let's take it further." Further as in let's have baby or let's get married.  

To me that has always felt like the end of your life and freedom, the last thing and only thing that you would consider or jump into, once you had nothing else to accomplish in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that there are parents who don't live by the common rules of parenthood and married couples out there that break the mold (I know of couples who are this way) , but they are rare.

My far out theory would explain why so many of the so called 'popular girls' left school, fell pregnant five months later and married soon after. Did I mention that they still live in the same neighborhood and not far from their parents, have a mortgage that they can’t afford to pay off and have never travelled overseas? Each to their own I guess, but isn’t life to be lived?

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally over the moon for my cousin, if that's what makes him happy. I know that he has a great life that he has filled with strong friendships, travels and experiences. Now he has true love and the responsibility of care to his girlfriend and unborn child to add to his list and that's a life well lived.

What I can never get my head around is the fact that there are people out there who are 'settlers' or you could say they are 'followers'. Of course we are all free individual beings with our own separate thoughts, beliefs, feelings and ideas but somehow we are not all living the life less ordinary, more like living the life society accepts and understands.

I choose to walk the path of the unknown, and I still don't know how far I have to walk to get to my destination but I'm enjoying the journey (most days). At least I am learning and growing from my own mistakes and experiences to which I am responsible for as an independent, single woman. I also feel great about the fact that I can hold my head up high when I meet new people as I can talk to them about my life experiences and hold an interesting conversation, plus it adds my charm and character.

Being thirty, female, single and a child of wogs is not an easy thing to deal with. My parents have always pushed me to work, work and work some more so that I can buy a house and own stuff. I understand their point, I have tried that for a while and I was swimming in my earnings but drowning in my blackened empty soul. I moved out of home at 28 to gain my independence and I refuse to go back, not just to my parents’ house in Melbourne but to Melbourne in general.

When Dan and I split as a couple, friends expected me to be coming home to the city that has my heart and my mum made the cliché offer that I am welcome to come home anytime. I refuse, not because I hate being in Melbourne but because I hate the person I was in Melbourne.

 I felt restricted growing up in the sheltered suburbs with the 'followers' and I didn't fit in from a young age but also because I wanted to continue to grow, find my true self, learn and struggle and I want to see what I can find in Sydney. It’s also because I'm stubborn and proud, which I got off my dad;  the guy who two years ago told me that I should be married and pushing a pram by now.

To strengthen my point further, a dear friend of mine who I love dearly and is a long time friend from high school got married recently. She had not traveled overseas ever, until her honeymoon and she married a high school friend who she has known for over 10 years. They now have a house and they lived together for a few months before the wedding, so her life is set. I have always wondered if she was truly happy or if she was just doing what was expected of her.

Her wedding speech answered my question. She loudly and proudly stood up and spoke the words that went something like this; "Mum, Dad I hope you are happy now. I've done everything the right way, I have a house and I'm married, soon I’ll give you grandkids!" 

Well, how special am I then? I guess that depends how you look at my situation. I used to care that I may be running out of time to have kids, even though I never planned to get married by a certain age nor any time soon. These days I am still carefree about it all as I am concentrating on my career and other life time goals. Of course I know what I want my dream wedding to be like, the dress, the location and the theme, I mean what girl hasn’t dreamed of those details of her ‘special day’?.

The one thing I know I'm sure of is that I want to have joy in my heart and reach my career and artistic goals before I make that unselfish decision to take my life to that next step. After all, I want to have a full life and a heap of stories to one day tell my children, if I ever have any!

The only way I believe I could conclude this blog and sum up the way I feel as a 30 year old single woman is by leaving you with a quote which I saw written on the cover of Australian Woman’s Weekly today .  The cover featured the uniquely gorgeous, talented and successful Asher Keddie and the quote placed boldly next to her photograph read; “I don’t need babies to be a success”. Thank you Asher, that’s exactly my point!

Missed but not forgotten

When I left my home town of Melbourne and headed for NSW to move in with my then boyfriend and best friend Daniel, I didn't care about anything I left behind. It was about me and what I wanted to do, so I did it. I didn't think that anyone would miss me or care that I was gone. In my eyes there was no need for a farewell party with friends as I didn't have many and I still don't.

I found out last night that my dear friend Samantha passed away at the age of 28, two years younger than myself. We had known each other since forever, early high school days but we were re-united a few years ago and our friendship had flourished since then.

Everything changed after that sad and long moment when I learnt of her sudden passing. The reality is still sinking in now and it hurts tremendously, even though I can talk about Samantha's positives I still can’t stop crying.

Her sudden passing has made me change my mind on a lot of things and mostly I've changed my way of thinking and how I will deal with people I love and cherish from this day forth.

People and friends do care, it’s not about them saying it sometimes it more about them making time and being with you when they can. Even if it’s on the phone or through a face book message, communication in all forms counts.

We all have a lot going on day to day such as families, jobs and interests that make up our existence called life. It can be a lonely and confusing journey sometimes whether we admit this fact or not and it’s our family and friends that help us carry on, move forward, grow and look for positives.

This blog is not about me, it’s about realization, making the most of your current situation, being honest to yourself and others, and most importantly living every day as if it was your last.

By that last statement I don't mean going out and getting wasted every night and blowing all your savings on material objects, I mean; do that thing you have always wanted to do (no matter how crazy you look in someone else’s eyes), call a friend and tell them you miss them, be patient with people and accept their ideas and views, take that trip you have always to take.

I know Sam would have agreed with me on these points and although I miss her immensely I know I have fond memories of her and the times we shared both good and bad (mostly good!)

Sam would always have a colossal smile on her face when she saw you, a friendly greeting, a funny accent to yell at you in, a stupid comment to blurt out and most importantly a big heart to share with all that met her for the first time or those who knew for a lifetime.

While I continue to reflect today I remember a conversation I had over the phone last night with a mutual friend both Samantha and I shared, Rosemarie. Reminiscing on the fun times we had with Sam she had reminded me of the time (which was just before I moved states) that we went out on a Saturday night with another female friend to a comedy night and then Karaoke afterwards. Rose giggled as she talked about Sam's crazy antics that night and I followed with another memory.

So I did have a girly farewell with a group of friends that I cherish after all, I must have gotten too bitter and cynical to remember the good times. Or maybe I can blame it on life but either way, no matter what excuse I make I’ll be sure not to take another amazing moment with a loved one for granted. Ever. 

Sydney Clothes Swap Virgin

Sydney Clothes Swap Virgin

It’s now spring, and what a great time it is for new beginnings, letting go of excess baggage and forgetting what once was.

If you’re like me, your still holding onto that dress that you thought was amazing, but that was five years ago and you have not worn it since, let alone pulled it out of your wardrobe! Or maybe you were too overwhelmed by the long line at Zara so you guessed your size, got it wrong and couldn't return it in time to qualify for an exchange. Then there are the clothes that no longer fit as our bodies change with age, but we keep them none the less, just in case one day soon someone builds a machine to allow us to shape shift into our former selves.

Frustrating, I know. Not to fear however, as I have a solution to these problems and its good for the environment, your pocket as well as people in the same sentimental boat as you. It’s called clothes swap.

The way it works is simple. You check the next date that the event is on in your state, pay online or at the door, hand in up to six items in exchange for the same number of buttons and then wait till kick off.

Then comes the hard part, you must compete as well as pray that you can get to the item that you have been eyeing off since you entered. It doesn't always work I guess, my first experience was a disaster. I walked around for the whole hour we had to shop without picking up a single item and I watched as one lady picked up every item that I had wished for and hoped to snag, much to my disappoint and her delight.

I ended up going home with a bag full of six items that I wasn't keen on (one of which was mine to begin with) including a pair of heels that are three sizes too big but I did so in order to keep them handy for the next swap date. I seemed to be the only woman at the swap that didn't have 20 items let alone one on her arm, I must be picky!

On a positive note, I now have my six items ready for the next swap meet and I'm going home to Google it now and check the dates so I'm ready. Next time round I know what to expect, I have a plan; go in hard and ruthless, grab whatever you can and don't let them go. Of course in the back of my mind I'm thinking "what if it’s a repeat of my first experience?"

Oh well, I'm not going to let that stop me. It was a new and fun experience, I helped people out and I was part of a new way to shop and recycle. I'm just glad I didn't swap over my Alannah Hill cardie, I'm planning on cashing in on that one the old fashioned way, Ebay!