Single and thirty, so what!

Good news arrived via a Facebook message early last week. I was half asleep, struggling at getting out of bed and at war with the snooze button on my Black Berry. I hadn't been having the earliest of nights since the bad news I had received earlier on in the week so every five minute block of time counts.

My Black Berry, being a smart phone and much smarter than myself informed me that I had a Facebook notification. My cousin, who resides in London had personal messaged me to let me know that he and his girlfriend were expecting a child. Last I heard, they were all ga ga for each other and moving in together, now this.

My first thoughts were congrats and can't wait to meet the little one and the girlfriend when we meet in Malta for the summer. Then I came to the usual train of thought; will they now get married? Strange how society makes our thoughts move in a certain order and that when you are Maltese you can’t de program that shit out of your brain, it’s embedded in there somewhere deep down in your subconscious.

It’s also interesting that a large majority of us reach a point in life when we are ready to be unselfish, commit to another and say proudly: "I'm content with life and let's take it further." Further as in let's have baby or let's get married.  

To me that has always felt like the end of your life and freedom, the last thing and only thing that you would consider or jump into, once you had nothing else to accomplish in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that there are parents who don't live by the common rules of parenthood and married couples out there that break the mold (I know of couples who are this way) , but they are rare.

My far out theory would explain why so many of the so called 'popular girls' left school, fell pregnant five months later and married soon after. Did I mention that they still live in the same neighborhood and not far from their parents, have a mortgage that they can’t afford to pay off and have never travelled overseas? Each to their own I guess, but isn’t life to be lived?

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally over the moon for my cousin, if that's what makes him happy. I know that he has a great life that he has filled with strong friendships, travels and experiences. Now he has true love and the responsibility of care to his girlfriend and unborn child to add to his list and that's a life well lived.

What I can never get my head around is the fact that there are people out there who are 'settlers' or you could say they are 'followers'. Of course we are all free individual beings with our own separate thoughts, beliefs, feelings and ideas but somehow we are not all living the life less ordinary, more like living the life society accepts and understands.

I choose to walk the path of the unknown, and I still don't know how far I have to walk to get to my destination but I'm enjoying the journey (most days). At least I am learning and growing from my own mistakes and experiences to which I am responsible for as an independent, single woman. I also feel great about the fact that I can hold my head up high when I meet new people as I can talk to them about my life experiences and hold an interesting conversation, plus it adds my charm and character.

Being thirty, female, single and a child of wogs is not an easy thing to deal with. My parents have always pushed me to work, work and work some more so that I can buy a house and own stuff. I understand their point, I have tried that for a while and I was swimming in my earnings but drowning in my blackened empty soul. I moved out of home at 28 to gain my independence and I refuse to go back, not just to my parents’ house in Melbourne but to Melbourne in general.

When Dan and I split as a couple, friends expected me to be coming home to the city that has my heart and my mum made the cliché offer that I am welcome to come home anytime. I refuse, not because I hate being in Melbourne but because I hate the person I was in Melbourne.

 I felt restricted growing up in the sheltered suburbs with the 'followers' and I didn't fit in from a young age but also because I wanted to continue to grow, find my true self, learn and struggle and I want to see what I can find in Sydney. It’s also because I'm stubborn and proud, which I got off my dad;  the guy who two years ago told me that I should be married and pushing a pram by now.

To strengthen my point further, a dear friend of mine who I love dearly and is a long time friend from high school got married recently. She had not traveled overseas ever, until her honeymoon and she married a high school friend who she has known for over 10 years. They now have a house and they lived together for a few months before the wedding, so her life is set. I have always wondered if she was truly happy or if she was just doing what was expected of her.

Her wedding speech answered my question. She loudly and proudly stood up and spoke the words that went something like this; "Mum, Dad I hope you are happy now. I've done everything the right way, I have a house and I'm married, soon I’ll give you grandkids!" 

Well, how special am I then? I guess that depends how you look at my situation. I used to care that I may be running out of time to have kids, even though I never planned to get married by a certain age nor any time soon. These days I am still carefree about it all as I am concentrating on my career and other life time goals. Of course I know what I want my dream wedding to be like, the dress, the location and the theme, I mean what girl hasn’t dreamed of those details of her ‘special day’?.

The one thing I know I'm sure of is that I want to have joy in my heart and reach my career and artistic goals before I make that unselfish decision to take my life to that next step. After all, I want to have a full life and a heap of stories to one day tell my children, if I ever have any!

The only way I believe I could conclude this blog and sum up the way I feel as a 30 year old single woman is by leaving you with a quote which I saw written on the cover of Australian Woman’s Weekly today .  The cover featured the uniquely gorgeous, talented and successful Asher Keddie and the quote placed boldly next to her photograph read; “I don’t need babies to be a success”. Thank you Asher, that’s exactly my point!