Every time I think that I am enjoying my new single life in Sydney, I get another major setback.
This morning I woke up remembering a dream I just had about my dear friend Samantha who passed away a couple of months ago. It was the first dream I have had of her since she passed, it was not a deep meaningful dream, just a dream where she appeared not in body I think but she was carrying on about some football memorabilia she had collected and she was showing me and her family.
Anyway, the details of the dream are not important. What is important is the fact that I woke from the dream a little confused but then it dawned on me, I must get up out of bed today and think differently.
I woke up, had breakfast and checked emails. I received a positive email from an agency that covers film and TV work so I was pretty happy about that, called them up and spoke to them. All good and seems like it may do me good. I was on a high and I was thinking about how grateful I was to be alive so I texted two of my girlfriends a happy and positive message telling them I love them and miss them and that I will see them soon.
Finally after a long couple of months of being unsure about things I was looking at the positives. I am even planning of cancelling my career counselling session and working on this film career I have been dreaming of since forever. I was just about to do that when I received a phone call from Daniel.
Daniel had been out to pick up the mail in Glebe (long annoying story right there), as he does every Friday morning without fail. So, I get this call from Daniel and he tells me that my car he was driving has been smashed up by a truck. From my experience with family and friends being involved in and dying in car accidents my first thought was I hope he is ok and then I asked him “you are joking, right?” He has pulled this stunt before, where he calls up and tells me something silly and then says it’s a joke. This time he was serious and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
My life, more like my year since being in Sydney has been one crazy situation after the other. Including some sad situations like the passing of a friend back home, realizing that you no longer love the person you are living with and have been with for two years. Then the setbacks like having no money, being stuck in a life draining job and having nowhere to live and not knowing where you will be the day after the present.
This may sound silly but I have come to the point in my life where when getting a phone call such as the one I just received today from Daniel about the car was a laughing matter, (once I knew he was ok of course).
So much shit has happened in my life that the only way I can now deal with it without turning to drugs or alcohol or even self harm (as I see no point to these alternatives) is to write about it and get it off my chest but even better than that, I laugh about it and make a joke of it.
I have always been the sort of person who laughs at situations no matter how bad it is (except for death of course, I never laugh or joke about death). My boyfriends cheat on me, no problems I have a joke for it. I have no money, no worries I can joke about selling my body on the streets or conger up funny situations I could put myself in to get extra cash. I have always dealt with things this way but more so the last year and a bit my way of thinking and dealing have changed. I have become so resilient and thick skinned and once you get to my age you really do stop looking at little setbacks so seriously.
Dan and I once went to a comedy gig in Sydney and a middle aged female comedian took to the stage. She was average weight and I remember she was wearing leggings (which gave her a small camel toe) with high heels , had saggy breasts and she looked like she was trying hard to dress well without a clue but she looked quite amusing. I can’t remember her name but she was such a good story teller who gave a no holds bar run though of her life in a cynical, sarcastic and stupidly funny way. She picked at everything that had happened to her in her life and she took the Mickey out of herself quite well. Dan and I were in tears throughout her routine and when she left the stage I said to Dan, “If I had the balls to get up on stage I would so do that, give my ten more years and I may be cynical enough and not give a shit about what people think. That is me in 10 years I reckon.”
Like most things that I say and don’t follow through with, this is one of them. I am becoming tougher since living in Sydney and although it has made me bitterer at least I can still laugh at myself and that is better than crying about how much life sucks.
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