So the first of January has come and gone already and I had spent it staggering home in the wee hours of the morning from a house party, sleeping in with a special someone, laughing a lot, listening to music and eating a delicious lunch followed by lazing around in my new lingerie in and out of a lazy sleep coma. I am off to a good start if my new year’s resolution is to have more fun and be care free (part of it is).
It is a relief and a great feeling to have a brand new year unrolling round, as now I have a new chapter to start afresh and work on my new year’s resolutions , which I will probably forget about come the month of May.
I had been waiting for this year to be over for months now; it was such a bad year of disappointments for me and a year of loss and confusion. Everything that could go wrong did and it did on a regular basis, much to my dismay. Quitting one of my job two days ago also added to the relief and I now feel I am ready for the New Year.
Over the last four or so months I have been debating with myself whether I stay in Sydney or leave to start afresh in my home town of Melbourne. I have had many doubts about returning back home as I am not one to just hit the road for an easy way out, I like a challenge and I like to test myself till I drive myself mad with options. Although saying that I am one to drag excess baggage along with me and run from what I can’t escape in the hope that it will be better this time round.
A week ago I had made up my mind that I was heading back home after my trip to Byron and Melbourne. I then got myself all in a frenzy as I now had friendships that I was not willing to pack up and walk away from just yet, friendships which at this point of my life are fulfilling me on different levels and helping me to grow into a more confident woman.
I am actually starting to enjoy myself here in Sydney with the new life I alone have built for myself. Due to these strong connections and the thought of leaving in 3 weeks as well as the thought of re-packing everything , getting rid of my lease and quitting my market job I was feeling overwhelmed.
Christmas away from the family for the second year in a row was a tough one, even though I did spend my day in the company of a lovely friend and her adorable family. This factor along with talking to friends I respect and look up to back in Melbourne and an old flame who is visiting there had me thinking that I had to get back home in order to be fulfilled and supported.
I ran though my confusions so many times with my older and wiser friend and she set me straight, no she more like made me see sense and realise that I don’t have to run home just yet, I can enjoy myself here in Sydney and take my new experiences as they come. This I have taken on board and I must say I like this adventure better than the one I was considering putting myself though.
So with that dilemma sorted I have decided April for some crazy reason, I don’t know why, I just figured that things in my life I am enjoying now will be different then. Basically I have given myself four months left in Sydney, however I still can’t comprehend leaving certain people but nor am I going to stay just for a feeling for contentment others are giving me right now. Contentment in your life must come from within, and who you are as an individual and not from others. Doing things to please others only leads you to resenting your true self and abandoning your soul.
Anyway, last night while sitting in my room before heading out to a friend’s house to celebrate New Year’s, I was thinking back on my year of disappointments. I thought that I would be spending Christmas and New Years Eve alone, but it appears that my luck had been changing of late because I am making the luck work for me.
I was a little apprehensive to attend the party I had been invited to because I was attending alone and I was a little nervous that I would be sitting there alone with a crowded house full of Sydney-siders that I did not know. I moped around my studio for a short period and took my time getting ready and I slowly made my way over.
Much to my surprise on arrival at around 10pm, it was a small gathering of about six people, most of whom I already knew though working on a film with them earlier on in the year. So this was a good sign as we all had common interest and these are the kind of people I need to be surrounded by. I sat down amongst them on the balcony, opened a bottle of cider and relaxed, chatted, listened to music and soaked up the position of the balcony which gave us the most breathtaking view of the city with the Harbour Bridge right in the middle. This was going to be a good New Years, I could tell.
The night went on, quiet yet fun and cosy and later on in the evening just before midnight we were joined by a few others and the party took on a whole new vibe. The new comers we loud and crazy, shuffle dancing all over the balcony and we were all laughing like a bunch of mad people.
There was great anticipation in the air as there was 20 minutes left of 2011. We all positioned our chairs, got comfy amongst one another and waited.
The fireworks over the city were something quite magical, better than I had expected. I was in the arms of a friend I cared about and we were taking in the moment for all that it was worth, it was a moment I knew would stay with me forever. The whole group of us, there on this tiny balcony watched as the sky lit up and the Harbour Bridge was made centre of attention.
It was in that brief moment in time as I was watching the new year change over in the company of my new friends, that I reminded myself of something I think I must have always known but somehow chosen to forget; What is important is not how you choose to spend your time celebrating something it is more about who you chose to spend your time celebrating it with.
Bring on 2012, I am ready.
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